


Please don't let go

by Alwaysevak2121



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, POV Even Bech Næsheim, POV Isak Valtersen, Tenderness, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21513304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alwaysevak2121/pseuds/Alwaysevak2121
Summary: Isak realizing how much he misses Even after some really stressful weeks.When Isak arrives home after the final exam, he's exhausted. He walks further into their apartment and for the first time in two months he realises how empty it feels. Now that he finally has more than few minutes to think about something else than uni and the exams he lets his feelings arise. He misses Even, so fucking much.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 36
Kudos: 241





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Stress, tiredness and insecurities. But they will always find a way back to each other. They will never give up on them. 
> 
> I miss them so much.

When Isak arrives home after the final exam, he's exhausted. He walks further into their apartment and for the first time in two months he realises how empty it feels. Now that he finally has more than few minutes to think about something else than uni and the exams he lets his feelings arise. He misses Even, so fucking much. 

Suddenly he's all he can think about. 

Isak tries to distract himself by making coffee but all his mind allows him to feel is this longing. Isak measures ground coffee and when closing his eyes, he can almost see them together, Even just adding it casually, without counting the scoops while his eyes sparkle along his smile when he tells details about his day to Isak. And it always, always tastes better when being made by Even. 

Isak abandons the thought of coffee when his eyes land on the sink. There is just his mug, all by itself, when his eyes are used to seeing Even's favorite tea mug right beside it. Even if it hurts like hell, missing him, Isak can't help his lips curving into a tiny smile. Even always leaves a little bit at the bottom of his mug and Isak remembers many times rolling his eyes while throwing the cold tea away and washing the mug for him, for the next time. 'When will there be the next time?', he asks in his mind, not brave enough to face the answer though. 

He can't stay in the kitchen, his stomach makes a protest when he even thinks of eating at this moment. Isak drags his feet to their bedroom, and even if taking in the empty bed makes his chest feel heavy and hollow at the same time, he sits down on it. He deserves these feelings, he knows he does. 

These past weeks are mostly just some kind of blur in Isak's mind, made of reading, making notes and exams, saying things in a wrong way, having too much coffee and too little sleep. And too little Even, and them, together. He needs to work on finding healthier ways to balance things, he knows it. 

And then it just hits him like a whiplash, those little moments he ignored and now remembers. Even asking him to come to sleep with him and him not answering, just reading and falling asleep around their kitchen table, just for a few hours. Repeatedly. And fuck, oh God, him being annoyed by the amount of work and taking it out on Even, his kind Even. 

Saying stuff like "Not now, I need to focus", when Even just wanted to know if he was okay. Holding onto his notes instead when Even just wanted to hold his hand. 

How did this happen, how did he not pay attention, how could he let him slip away. But then it hits him, has Even paid attention either, has he given up on them? How long has Even been away? He vaguely remembers this week having taken its toll on him and Even mentioning something about spending a few nights at his friends' place. 

Did Even just want to give him space? Or is he now seeing how hard it sometimes is with him being this way? It's hard to tell for sure, but did… Did Even kiss his hair before leaving? 

Isak lifts his hand to brush his hair quickly, as if to chase the feeling of that caress so dear to him. 

He misses him, misses him so badly.

Isak lets his hand drop slowly, to brush the duvet instead. And it's the final straw, to feel that ragged fabric, worn and softened by the great amount of washes, under his fingertips. He pulls the duvet, their duvet in his lap and soon its stripes get darker with each drop, falling, falling, without him being able to stop now. 

Even though they haven't really been present during past weeks Isak can't think the possibility of never having that again, the feeling of Even's embrace, his soft laughter in his ear, hands holding hands. Those nights when nothing feels close enough, until they are entangled with each other, body and soul, their heartstrings intertwined. The thought of losing that forever freezes Isak to the spot, the pain making it hard to breathe, the fear of not belonging spreading through his system like it hasn't since..since him. 

Isak keeps sitting on the bed, unmoving, only the soundless flow of his tears dropping on the duvet telling he's really still here, alone, tied into this moment. Suddenly he hears those steps so familiar coming closer. He must have missed the sound of Even coming home. 'Please, say this isn't the end', he thinks not brave enough to face it, not now, how about never? 

But then Even is kneeling in front of him and Isak has to look at him, of course he has to. It feels like they haven't done that for ages, just looked at each other, really looked. 'Please say you still believe in us, please tell me it's okay, please just say something', Isak repeats in his head. Then he lets out a shaky breath and lets those eyes find his, even if just for a moment. 

As soon as Even has his eyes he speaks, "I love you Isak".

And those eyes so dear are sparkling with tears and that soft smile which is almost pleading too tells Isak all that he needs to know. They are both pleading for the same thing, you and me being still we, us. 

"Us?" Even asks letting his hands rest on Isak's thighs and there's nothing holding Isak back anymore. 

Isak pulls him near, holding him tight, clenching the fabric of his shirt inside his fists, feeling Even doing the same. "Us", Isak whispers in his ear. Even lets out a strangled, watery sound, Isak feels it in his guts, Even's pain is his pain and the other way around. And in their tight embrace it feels like it's always gonna be that way, Isak and Even, them being 'us', together. Even lives in his heart like Isak lives in Even's, they will never give up on that, them being us. 

'Please don't let go' Isak thinks.

But he must have said it out loud because Even squeezes him even tighter while whispering in his hair, "Never. My baby."

Isak breathes in the scent of his neck, skin, the scent of Even, closes his eyes and echoes, "My baby." 

They are home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit hard to breathe, Even is in such a rush. He's walking home, he knows Isak's final exam of the semester has been today and he wants to make sure he's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worrying, a little bit of insecurities but mostly love. Love love love. 
> 
> They are each other's home.
> 
> Thank you for reading <3

It's a bit hard to breathe, Even is in such a rush. He's walking home, he knows Isak's final exam of the semester has been today and he wants to make sure he's okay. 

One step, and then another. Each step brings him closer, each breath he takes. It's kinda good metaphor anyway, the longing for Isak has made him breathless right from the beginning, from the very first time he ever saw him. 

During these past weeks Even's been missing him, even though they live together. Isak's been so stressed out due to all exams and Even gets it, of course he does. But it doesn't take away the fact that he misses his Isak, so much. And this period has been much more intense with the amount of all that school work than ever before. Even's been worried about him, about the lack of sleep and rest and the lack of just what is Isak. 

And it stings, that he wasn't able to make it better. And if he's being honest, it hurts a little that Isak didn't let him help. But fuck it, he should have tried more, he knows it. 

Even remembers every single night when Isak didn't come to sleep next to him, how he found him fallen asleep around their kitchen table. He couldn't help putting a blanket on him and kissing the top of his head gently. 'I love you baby', he said in his head, not wanting to disturb his sleep.

And he feels a lump in the throat when he remembers how he just returned to their bed and how empty it felt without him. He should have taken him with him, maybe Isak would have said yes, maybe he would have let him cuddle him into sleep. Even should have tried more. 

It's just, Even knows it for real, that Isak loves him, he has said it countless times with and without words. But it's still his miracle, this love he's got with him. And he's learnt to trust it, him, them, that this is something bound to last. 

Yet sometimes he still wonders, if he's too everything on some days. And Isak has proved him wrong every single time, loved him just as he is, just right. But these past few days have been hard, when he hasn't been able to get any real contact to him, and he wanted to give him space, to get things done. And of course it's totally normal to want and give space sometimes. Still it was hard to leave him, to not be there for him. Even had kissed his hair and whispered, "You'll make it baby, see you soon." 

He's not sure Isak noticed he left. 

Even almost runs upstairs, the closer he gets, the more urgent is this need to see him. He opens their door quietly though, maybe Isak is finally sleeping. They will talk this through, they've become so good at talking, telling how they feel, they've come so far. They just temporarily forgot it. But they'll remember from now on, they will.

The door to their bedroom is open so Even tiptoes closer. 

It's a punch right in the chest. 

Isak is crying. Even doesn't even think twice before closing the distance between them and kneeling in front of him. Everything else can wait. Isak is hurting and there's no universe in which it doesn't affect him, doesn't make him wanna alleviate it, to take it away. 

'Look at me baby', Even pleads in his mind, he knows there's moisture gathering into his eyes too, just about to flood over, he can't help it. 

And then he has his eyes, Isak's looking right at him, just at him, not holding back even one bit. It's a look with a thousand meanings, Isak is giving him all of him, bare, vulnerable, tender, brave, Isak. 

There's only one thing to say really, one thing that matters at this very minute. So Even speaks, "I love you Isak."

Isak gasps, there are still tears streaming down his cheeks, and Even promises himself, he won't let this get this far ever again, he won't let Isak get so exhausted, not on his watch. They will work things out, together. 

So he lets his hands land gently on Isak's thighs when he asks, still holding his gaze, "Us?" 

Then there are arms pulling him up, into his embrace and all Even can think is 'hold me, please hold me.'

And Isak does. Pulling him near, clutching Even's shirt in his fists, trying to get close and even closer. Even knows he holds him back just as tight. He wants to crawl inside of him, he knows it's impossible yet he keeps trying. They need this now, the urge to hold and to be held being equally strong. 

Isak's breath feels warm against his skin when he whispers in Even's ear the most reassuring, simple answer, "Us." It's a word holding such power. 

"Please don't let go", Isak speaks with a quiet voice. Even isn't even sure he was meant to hear it yet it breaks his heart. He shouldn't have to ask. 

But he answers nevertheless while squeezing his boy even tighter if possible, he needs Isak to know it, "Never. My baby." 

Isak's lips are caressing his neck along his words when he echoes against Even's skin, "My baby."

'Yeah, yours', Even answers in his mind and breathes him in. 

It's easier to breathe again, breathe together. With him.

They are home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> <3<3<3<3


End file.
